BOB INTRODUCES HIMSELF

Bob’s the name, Cockeye Bob. Hail from Binangon country, out beyond the black stump in the land where the crows fly backwards. Got a lotta stories to tell ya about goings on and doings over my way. So dry up while I tell youse a thing or two about the place.

What’s it like - Binangon? Well, it’s further away from here or there than anywhere else at all. It’s bigger than anywhere you’ve ever heard of. The trees grow higher, the sheep grow fatter and the pumpkins grow bigger. In fact, they grow so big that Binangonians have been known to hollow ‘em out and live in ‘em. Not a word of lie. ‘Course, the trees have to be fitted with hinges so the tops can be dropped down to let some light in. 

Yeah, she’s a great little place, Binangon. Well, not so small, really. Bigger’n the rest of the country put together. Youse orter visit some time and find out fer yerself. Can be a bit hard to find though, as it’s well off the map. Go west. When you get to the balck stump just keep on goin’. You come to a place called Oodnagallabie, but you’ve still got a fair way to go to Bullamakanka and then on past Nevernever, Buggerup and . After that you’re on your own cos you’ve gone past the last direction. But once you’re there you can’t miss the palce. It’s full of Oozlum birds, hoop snakes and drop bears.

What! Oozlum birds? Cripes, yer don’t know much do you! The Oozlum bird flies up its own backside and disappears. Makes it a bit hard to see at times and they’re easy to get mixed up with politicians. Not that we’ve got much time for pollies in Binangon. They mostly stay far away in a place full of roads that go round and round and boo-ro-crats, whatever they are. Yer’ll have to wait till you get to Binangon to find out about the drop bears and the hoop snakes.

What’s that, can’t get away? No, everyone’es so busy runnin’ round like blue-arsed flies they haven’t got time to scratch ‘emslves. Well, if you can’t make it to Binangon yourself, at least you’ve come to the right place to find out all about it. And I’m just the bloke to give you the drum. They say I’m the man who drove the bull through Binangon and never once cracked the whip. But you don’t want to believe a word of what those lyin’ bastards’ll tell yer.